Getting Unstuck

July 12, 2024

“Sometimes, running into a wall does not mean you need to be strong enough to push through it, but wise enough to see that there is another way.”

– Brianna Wiest

Getting Unstuck

Recently, a reader asked, “Have you ever been stuck on your personal or professional path in a way that you can’t move forward even if you know what next step you have to take?” I’ve thought a lot about my answer. I got some things right and missed some opportunities. Here is my do-over.

We all feel stuck from time to time. No matter how hard we try, progress eludes us. Everything feels futile. Maybe the thought of moving forward forms a knot in our gut as if we’re gazing over our toes from a high-dive platform. We feel frozen in place. The truth is I’ve felt this way many, many times.

In those moments, other people’s comeback stories aren’t always inspiring. They can feel designed to highlight my perceived inadequacies. Tell me to adjust my attitude and you might be right, but, in that moment, it feels like absent empathy. It’s hard to look for a silver lining when you’re staring at the hail damage. Can’t I just wallow here for one second?

Dr. Brene Brown wisely observed, “Rarely can a response make something better; what makes something better is connection.” Sometimes people just need to be seen and know they aren’t wrong to feel the way they do. Maybe the first words to say in these moments are, “I’m so sorry you feel that way. I’m touched that you trusted me. It means a lot.” Show this person that they aren’t alone.

When I think back on the times I’ve been stuck, there is a pattern. With virtually no exceptions, I wasn’t stuck. I was stopped. And, it wasn’t that I couldn’t move forward. I wouldn’t.

There was often a choice or a trade-off  I was unwilling to make. But maybe that’s by design. Being stuck might have served me on some level. I then have to figure that out and decide if the gifts of being “stuck” are truly better than where I want to go.

We tend to focus on our failure to move forward, but being stuck also means we aren’t moving backward. Yes, I may not yet be ready to spring forward but something inside is also refusing to let me slide back. Maybe it is resting, plotting, preparing me for the next step, like a crouching cat, haunches quivering, waiting to pounce.

Sometimes I find I’m right where I need to be and suddenly “stuck” no longer applies. Sometimes I get clear on the decision or trade-off I’m avoiding, so I can finally make it. And I’m no longer stuck. Sometimes I figure this out on my own and other times my wife, my coach, or a friend helps me see it. Stuck is not a permanent condition, it’s a matter of perspective.

The Earth spins at over 1,000 miles per hour. We are flying around the sun at 67,000 miles per hour. Our solar system coasts through the galaxy at a cool 490,000 miles per hour. We may stand on the same ground as yesterday, but the ground we stand on is moving at unimaginable speed. And someday soon, you’ll know what to do next.

One question to ponder in your thinking time: Am I missing the gifts of where I am in my eagerness to get to my destination?

Make an Impact!

Jay Papasan

Co-author of The One Thing & The Millionaire Real Estate Agent ​